I Really Don’t Know Clouds at All

20140729_181821When I saw the prompt for the day, the song Both Sides Now immediately started running through my head. I wondered anew at the meaning of seeing clouds from both sides, so I looked up the lyrics. The song progresses through the idealized version of clouds and love and life to a more realistic, maybe even pessimistic vision of them and an acceptance of not really being able to grasp the complexity of existence.

How apropos.

Life has been a strange mixture of the familiar and unfamiliar lately, with kids leaving home and starting down their own paths. I often feel like I’m standing alone, scratching my head and wondering what is happening to my world. My young, idealized version of myself as a mom in a world of family dinners and camping trips and shared experiences was so all-encompassing for so long, and suddenly it is slipping from my grasp, leaving me looking at the other side of those clouds for myself. I don’t know what I see. I don’t recognize the clouds from the other side, but I’m learning. It’s hard not to be pessimistic, to see the clouds as raining and snowing on everyone, but I’m trying.

Though it may be life’s illusions I recall, and maybe I didn’t ever really know life at all, I’ll hold to the last line of the song, “something’s lost but something’s gained in living every day.”

Here’s to changes.

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